He was sent, as usual, to a public school, where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him."

"A book that furnishes no quotations is, me judice, no book -- it is a plaything."

"There are two reasons for drinking; one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it . . . Prevention is better than cure."

"Respectable means rich, and decent means poor. I should die if I heard my family called decent."

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.