UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility."

"UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse."

"SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death."

"TWICE, adv. Once too often."

"SUCCESS, n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows."